- Breastfeeding
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I remember the exact moment someone finally showed me, instead of telling me.
Six weeks in, nipples cracked and bleeding, the lactation consultant I hired looked at how my daughter was attached, and said, quietly, “Pé fer li tini zis boute la. Vinn mo montrer ou.” She’s only taking the tip. Let me show you. Two minutes later, for the first time since birth, a feed didn’t hurt. Nobody had done anything wrong on purpose. Nobody had explained it properly either. That two minutes should have happened on day one and it should have happened without me needing to hire a lactation consultant.
So here it is, properly, the thing that should have been shown to both of us before we left the delivery room.
What “deep” actually means
A shallow latch is your baby closing their mouth around your nipple, roughly the way they would close their mouth around a bottle teat. It’s the single most common reason breastfeeding hurts, and it’s fixable in the moment, every time, once you know what you’re looking for.
A deep latch is your baby taking a large mouthful of breast, both nipple and a good portion of the areola around it, so that your nipple sits far back near the soft palate in their mouth, and their jaw and tongue do the work of compressing the milk ducts underneath the areola, not just the nipple itself. This is why it doesn’t hurt: the nipple isn’t being ground between their gums with baby’s tongue rubbing it, it’s cushioned deep in their mouth where the sucking motion doesn’t touch it directly.
Before the latch: positioning
Get this right and the latch mostly takes care of itself.
Bring your baby to you, not yourself down to your baby. Baby’s whole body should face yours, tummy to tummy, not twisted with their head turned toward the breast while their body faces the ceiling, try feeding yourself with your head turned sideways to your food and you’ll understand why this makes swallowing harder for your baby too. Baby’s nose should sit roughly level with your nipple before you begin, not below it. This matters because of what happens next.
The latch itself
Wait for a wide-open mouth. Not a slightly parted mouth, genuinely wide, like a yawn. You can encourage this by brushing your nipple lightly against baby’s top lip and waiting. Baby will often open in response, sometimes after a few tries. Don’t rush this part; a baby latching onto a partially open mouth is exactly how a shallow latch happens.
When baby opens wide, bring them onto the breast quickly, chin first, aiming their lower lip well below your nipple so that when baby closes their mouth, your nipple ends up pointing toward the roof of their mouth rather than straight in. Baby’s chin should touch your breast, their nose should be clear of it (tilted slightly back, not buried), and their lower lip should be flanged outward like a fish, not tucked under against their gum.
What it should feel like
Some pulling or tugging sensation in the first ten to fifteen seconds is normal, particularly in the first days before your nipples have adjusted. This should ease as the feed continues, not build. If it’s sharp, pinching, or continues past the first few sucks without softening, something isn’t right, break the seal (a clean finger gently inserted at the corner of their mouth) and start again rather than enduring the whole feed.
You should be able to hear a change partway through the feed: quick, shallow sucks at the start as your milk lets down, settling into a slower rhythm with audible swallows, a soft “ka… ka…” sound rather than just clicking. Clicking, by the way, usually means the seal has broken and baby’s latched shallow again, even mid-feed, worth resettling baby when you hear it.
What a good latch looks like from the outside
More of the areola visible above their top lip than below their bottom lip (because baby’s taken more from underneath, where your nipple points), cheeks rounded rather than dimpled or sucked in, and a rhythm to their jaw movement rather than rapid fluttering the whole way through.
When it still hurts despite all of this
Sometimes the mechanics are right and it still hurts, and this is worth naming honestly rather than implying every latch problem is a technique problem you haven’t quite mastered. Tongue-tie, where the strip of tissue under a baby’s tongue restricts its movement, can prevent a deep latch regardless of how well you position your baby, and it needs a professional assessment to diagnose. Persistent pain despite what looks, from the outside, like a textbook latch is one of the clearest reasons to see a lactation consultant rather than keep adjusting alone, this is exactly the kind of thing a trained eye catches in minutes that can take a mother weeks of guessing to work out on her own.
A note for the exhausted 3am version of you
You will not get this perfectly every single time, especially at 3am with a baby who’s had enough of waiting. That’s fine. A slightly shallow latch for one sleepy night feed isn’t going to undo weeks of good feeding. What matters is the pattern over days, not the precision of any single feed. Be kind to the version of you doing this in the dark.
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If nipple pain continues past the first two weeks despite trying everything here, a single visit with a lactation consultant is often the fastest way through.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace individualised assessment from a qualified lactation consultant or healthcare provider.